(Cover) - EN Showbiz - Michelle Williams cant find meaning for the passing of Heath Ledger.

The talented actress began a three-year-relationship with Heath after starring opposite him in acclaimed movie Brokeback Mountain, and in 2005 she gave birth to their daughter, Matilda. The pair separated two years later, and in 2008 the actor tragically died aged 28 following an accidental overdose on prescription drugs.

Michelle has kept her mourning to herself until recently, although the actress has now expressed the pain she went through in an interview with American show Nightline.

Although shes coping far better now, Michelle is still distraught by her former loves sudden death. The actress has tried searching for reasons as to why it could have happened, but she is still entirely confused.

The actual event itself, I cant find it, I cant find a meaning for it, she lamented.

In her bid to comprehend the loss, Michelle turned to literature, and found The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion a reassurance. The star explained how reading helped to an extent, with one quote particularly sticking in her mind.

There is a line from a book that gave me so much comfort that said, When you have truly lost everything, at least you can become rich in loss, said Michelle.

It took Michelle a long time to fully accept Heath wouldnt be coming back, and she continued to think he could still appear at her side. The actress explained that in a way it saddens her she no longer really feels that way.

"It didn't seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear behind a bush," she said.

"It was a year of very magical thinking, and in some ways I'm sad to be moving further and further away from it." (C) Cover Media